To be single and stay happy is harder nowadays. Society constantly pressures us to believe that we should be with somebody if we want to live a happy life.
That’s why every year, there are more and more dating apps in the market for singles. Even though it’s easy to meet and date someone new, it’s also easy for them to go back into their single status. People find online dating isn’t sustainable for them.
Many are stuck in the toxic online dating game that gives nothing but more mental health issues.
Taking a break from dating and working on myself when I was single again after a crushing breakup is still one of the best things I’ve done.
I found something powerful in me that I didn’t see before. And I stopped treating a relationship as something that guarantees me lifetime happiness.
Below are the things that I’ve avoided while I was single — they all help me be in a healthier relationship now. But again, just because they work for me, that doesn’t mean it’ll be the same for you.
Everyone is wired differently in dating, but I also think you’ve got nothing to lose by avoiding these things when you’re single.
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Trading your time for bad experiences on the dating apps
If you’ve been on dating apps for a while and found no luck yet, try to take a step back and ask yourself if this is truly worth the time.
Spending time on dating apps can get old when you meet the same type of person over and over again with no good result. There’s no point in continuing being in it where it wrecks your mental health even more.
And if you’re new in the pool, refrain from taking it too seriously. I’ve known many friends who are so invested but always got their heartbroken shortly after. Your time is precious, and trading it for bad experiences in the dating apps might not be a good decision in the long run.
Sitting there and waiting for someone to remove your loneliness
We all like to think that we’ll no longer feel lonely by being in a relationship. I thought so too. But that perspective changed when my boyfriend and I lived together a year ago.
I found myself still feeling lonely even though my boyfriend was right beside me. Then I realized you could never find that person who’d remove all your loneliness inside you.
The right person will make you less alone in this world and make your life problem less significant, but they can never have that ability to make you “whole.” At some point, you still have to deal with your loneliness on your own.
So refrain from thinking, “I wouldn’t feel this lonely if I had a boyfriend/girlfriend.”
Instead, look for ways to entertain yourself so you won’t fall into desperation mode.
Worrying what other people think about your status
“Single is no longer a lack of options — but a choice. A choice to refuse to let your life be defined by your relationship status but to live every day Happily and let your Ever After work itself out.” — Mandy Hale
I’ve noticed this mostly happens when you hit your 30s. Especially for women here in Indonesia, the pressure is exceptionally high. A friend of mine who’s a teacher was asked by her parents why she’s still single when she’s already 34.
Her parents even asked if there was something wrong they could fix together. They think they failed as a parent. Here, it’s such an achievement when your daughter/son is finally married. And they no longer have to deal with “what our neighbors will think” conversations.
It’s fucked up — I know.
That’s why with all those pressures from the outside, it’s crucial for you to be kind to yourself. Just because everybody else around you is taken, that doesn’t mean you should too.
All that I know is nothing comes good from making our lives based on what others think. It’s a miserable life path to be in.
Comparing your love life with your friends on Instagram
How was your Valentine’s day 2022? I bet you saw lots of “relationship goals” photos on Insta.
But let me remind you that they aren’t 100% real. I’m not saying they fake their relationships (though some do), but just because you see them smiling and being lovey-dovey, that doesn’t mean the reality of their relationship is like that.
I’ve seen couples who want to be together just for the Gram. They don’t care about each other and the future of their relationship.
Being around people who keep pushing you to be “taken”
“Being single is about celebrating and appreciating your own space that you’re in.” — Kelly Rowland
It’s hard when your group of friends is all taken, and you’re the only one who’s still single. I get it — it’s unavoidable that they’ll drop unwanted comments and ask you questions.
I was once surrounded by girlfriends who were all proud to be taken. Obviously, I was happy for them, but I wasn’t comfortable with them throwing jokes about my single status.
I was too busy balancing my work and college at the same time, so dating was the last thing I wanted to do. I’d be lying if I told you those comments never bothered me, though, so what did I do? I hung out less with them.
Good friends will respect your decision — even if they have a different perspective on it.
So be more mindful of your surroundings, especially those who don’t support your current status and want you to be like them instead.
To sum it up, here are things you need to avoid doing when you’re single:
- Comparing your love life with your friends on Instagram
- Being around people who keep pushing you to be in a relationship
- Worrying too much about your single status
- Waiting for someone to remove all the loneliness feeling inside you
- Trading your precious time for bad experiences in dating apps
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